I was reading a photography blog today, when all of a sudden, some familiar music started playing. The blog was set to the music from "Somewhere in Time" and was my dad's favorite classical music. He would listen to it every morning before we got up, or put it on when he was napping on Sunday afternoons. I haven't heard it since his funeral (they played is when his casket was brought into the church). I was smiling and crying all at the same time, glad to be reminded of that random memory, sad about all the little quirky things about him that seem to be fading from my mind.
I don't know why, but lately the pain of missing him has been hitting me hard. It has been a year and a half since he died, and I feel more overwhelmed with his death than ever before. It is just harder now. It feels like everyone else has moved on, forgotten him. Even my family doesn't talk of him very often, the pain is still so close to the surface,and its hard to mention his name without tears. With my brother's wedding and my dad's birthday coming up, his absence is felt even more.
Today, I wanted to write down a few things that I remember about him. I want to be able to think back and tell my kids about who he was and how much he loved them. Most importantly, I want to remember him.
1.My dad always dressed up. I can only think of a handful of times that he wore jeans, and he never wore shorts unless he was swimming. He had these funny bald spots on his legs and was embarrassed about them. He felt like he was dressing casual if he didn't have a tie or sport coat on.
2. He loved Brut cologne. My mom would often try to get him more expensive cologne, but they would sit in the cabinet untouched. You can get Brut for 8.99 at the drugstore, but it was the only thing he would wear. Every year,the only thing he would ever ask from us for Christmas was underwear and Brut. That is the smell I will always associate with him.
3. He loved his leather jacket and big sunglasses. I remember when he got the jacket, he felt instantly
cool. For someone that spent so much time in suits and sport coats, the leather jacket came out when he was "dressing down" and wanted to be more casual. I loved how cute he was in that coat.
4. He loved coffee, and it had to be steaming
HOT. He would often meet people from the church (he was a pastor) at a restaurant in town called Country Kitchen. He fell in love with their coffee, and even had them order some for him when they placed an order for the restaurant. He would take home the Styrofoam cups from there and wash them because they were the perfect size and kept his coffee at just the right temperature. My mom would have to secretly throw them away because he would have a huge stack of them on top of the fridge. He was at Country Kitchen so often, he even made up his own breakfast that they called "the Pastor's Special." When he died, the staff at Country Kitchen sent a huge bouquet to the church and a note, saying how much he would be missed=).
5. He loved old books. Every available space in my parents house is filled with bookshelves and old books. He is the one that taught me the love of reading. He would find first editions for pennies at garage sales and goodwill. He also hid those purchases from my mom, as he was a pack rat and hated to get rid of stuff, so the books piled everywhere!
6. He always took us seriously. We would share our ideas with him, and he always encouraged us to be creative and try new things. He is the reason why I went on a mission's trip to Mexico, travelled around to different cities leading worship for youth functions, interned at a youth camp, spent a whole summer in Oregon with my grandma, and came to New Hampshire. He had an adventurous spirit, and wanted us to see the world.
7. I have never ever met anyone that loved their kids more than he loved us. My parents couldn't have kids for eight years, so they adopted my older sister from Guam. Two years later, they had me, then my brother, then my baby sister. They also adopted my second cousins, so there was
six of us. Because couldn't have kids for so many years, we were so precious and valuable to them. We were home schooled so he could spend more time with us, and he took off every Tuesday to take us to the Science Center, or a museum, or some other educational place. Those days, the cell phone was off and his attention was focused on his family. Some of my best memories are from those Tuesday family days. Isaac and I have now incorporated Family Day into our own family. I want to make those same memories with our kids.
8. He was the first person I called when I had something to share, good or bad. He helped me with hard papers in college, sending me books on the subject or websites that he thought would be helpful. He would talk me through stressful days, or pray with me when I felt overwhelmed. He often sent dutch letters or stroopi(its an Iowa thing) to cheer me up. When I got pregnant with the twins, he was the first person I called. He was so thrilled. I remember him saying that if he could, he would run down the street whooping and clicking his heels together. Now
that is excited.
9. He was so wise when it came to raising his kids. I remember he would always meet with parents that were at their wits end and give them advice on raising their kids. How I wish I could call him and talk to him about my three! He did things in such a firm but loving way. He dealt with each of us as an individual, and took time away for one-on-one moments. He would take us for "special times" when he had visitations to do at the hospital, and we would go with him and then out to lunch or to see a movie. He wanted us to know that we were special to him in our own way.
10. He
loved my mom. He would always talk to us about her, how beautiful she is, how talented, and how much he loved her. He never missed a birthday or anniversary, and went to great lengths to make her feel special. When we were old enough to be left alone, he took her on dates at least once a week. It could just be coffee or a nice dinner, but it was time alone together. That has been the hardest, seeing my mom without him. When her birthday came around right after he died, she got a call from her favorite store, asking if Mr. Black wanted to order his wife the make-up case filled with her favorite things again this year, as he always did. She said "Yes, I think he would."
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